wish you were here

Cuando se está mucho tiempo en soledad se desarrolla una imaginación inagotable que es la red que te sostiene; entonces, la otra noche, te estaba imaginando.
Podías ser cualquiera; tan sólo tenías que venir a mi cama.
Venías y como un fantasma, sin tocarme, recorrías mi cuerpo, oliéndolo, besándolo sin tocarlo.
Me desabrochabas los botones de la camisa, lento, como un ritual.
Me desnudabas tan despacio que mi impaciencia se sorprendía.
Y cuando finalmente me penetrabas, sin miedo, y yo estaba lista y feliz, desaparecías como el humo y sentía el hielo como una serpiente reptando por mi piel.

going to california

There was I. Let’s say, just someone standing in front of an old record store, with a long jacket despite the crescent heat in somehow the fake winter in the city.

So, back, there i was, looking at the glass pane. I felt sad. I was lost. Where would i find me, but here, with the music i always took as my refuge? However, something was missing. It was you. An unknown whom i perhaps would never meet, a reminescence of my past life, maybe? I always think i was some kind of hippie and od’ed at a concert somewhere in 1975. And there you were. And i will never know you, but i know you know me. And that you can read this. Across the universe, when i die, i can get to see you. I wish you were here, it’s never been the same since my fourteens. I lost the tea and the candles, and jack daniel’s with black and white grained pictures, and rimbaud teasing my heart on the sleepless nights. So young. I am so scared, stranger. I am so scared to fall. To lose again. To lose myself and never be able to find the road back. I want to play, i want to sing. here i am, doing all that, but i lack you. Come back. I need you, even if i can’t see you. I feel the demons there, waiting. I am so scared. Sing softly to me. Play me my song. I want to touch the soft sun light, sitting on the grass, as we always did. Why did you go? Did i go away? When i panicked in the forest, i felt you release my hand. And i felt scared for the first time in ages. And i died.